05 Feb Can a mum miss her work?
You become a mum. Your life suddenly changes sharply and you try to adapt to the new lifestyle. You thought that birth was the most difficult thing in your life. But then, you also need to keep your little baby alive, not to mention to eat or shower sometimes.
But you say to yourself, I will survive!
Something you were not ready for, is the crowd of mums waiting at your door, to get you in their club. Surprisingly, you will be pushed very fast to decide:
- Are you going to breastfeed?
- Are you going to give vaccines?
- Will your child eat jars?
Mums will categorise you very fast and you will join the clubs accordingly. So pick the camps wisely!
Something is missing
At some point, you and your child will find some balance and you will start enjoying sleeping again. After all, the adrenaline of first months wears off some mums will start feeling little bug growing inside them.
At first, you will have no idea what is this strange feeling that tells you it is all not enough. It will dig a hole in your guts and grow until you feel sad that this little evil creature is not enough for you.
You will miss the most important camp along the way. The camp of purpose, fulfilment, ambitions, and passion.
Because who likes to work?
There are few people in this world that enjoy their work or any other passion like painting, dancing, or driving a bus. It is something that defines who they are and how they live. It is making them smile every day as some other people would enjoy shopping or travelling.
You are a bad mum
You slowly realise what is missing in your life. It is a purpose other than keeping the baby alive. You start to feel guilty. Suddenly all the mum clubs join their scary forces against you. Because how could you say that raising this beautiful creature has no purpose?
Well, it does. Just different. It is a different part of you. That is the new you. But you can’t just delete your past and who you were before. You feel different. You feel like a horrible mum now.
You need a hero
Everyone expects from you to put on a fake smile while your toddler is throwing mashed food back at your face. You feel depressed because it is so hard to explain the bug inside you and all other mums seem to enjoy staying at home with kids. You need someone who knows you well and will support you.
My hero was my husband, who agreed to hire cleaning work and occasional babysitting. Slowly I invested all the earnings in outsourcing the work I didn’t enjoy doing like cleaning and accounting. This gave me few extra hours a week for my work.
Working mums camp
The second miracle was to open my eyes and see that there are other mums like me. Meeting working mums was the biggest relief I have felt for a very long time. The small bug that was eating my guts was gone. They knew what I am talking about. They understood me and they supported me. They didn’t judge me. They accepted me for who I am now (a mum) and who I was before (a Graphic Designer).
Secret to parenting
Anyone who tells you that he/she knows the secret to parenting is lying. Everyone who claims to be a better parent than you is lying. You need to find your own balance. Be happy first. If you are happy the whole family will be.
As long as your child doesn’t drink vodka for breakfast you will find your own ways to live a happy life together. Sometimes it is better to spend one hour less per day with your child and give him or her a high-quality rest of the day. Kids feel our energy and reflect it back to us.
A mum will have many challenges on her way. On top of that, she can miss her passions and work. It won’t be easy to find a family balance but it is possible to join the working mums camp and support each other. Or don’t join any camp. Just don’t let others define or judge you without knowing you. Just be a happy mum. There is always a way to be happy.
One solution could be working from home and sharing your time between kids and work. Few useful articles below: